Who Can I Go to for Help with My Child’s Porn Problem?

By Craig Gross

This month, we’re talking about how to help parents talk to their kids about porn. Today’s question is, “Who can I go to for help with my child who might be looking at porn?”

As parents, and perhaps especially as Christian parents, we want to pretend that we have it all together. We might not go looking for help because it might mean being honest about what’s really going on.

So you’ve got to get over that first.

If it’s any consolation, I guarantee you that there are other parents asking the same questions that you are. The problem is, we’re just not talking about it.

Once, at my son’s soccer game, a mom asked me, “How do I check to see if there are nude photos on a DM?” So, I went through what felt like a whole lesson, and these moms started talking about their concerns and how they were (or weren’t) dealing with them. They were actually talking about it and learning from one another.

If your kids are just going through life unchecked – if no one’s ever going to ask – then no one’s ever going to look at their phones. Left to their own devices, our kids simply aren’t going to make the best decisions (after all… did you?).

As a parent, I would implore you to get as comfortable as you can with your children so you can talk to them about it.

Don’t shame them.

Don’t threaten them or take their stuff away. If you do that then they won’t open up.

Your kids are learning – just like all of us – and grace goes a long way. Even if there is a problem, the scriptures say that “it is the kindness of God that leads us to repentance.” So, show them His kindness.

Also, as a parent, you really need some other parents in your life. When you go out with your friends, try to talk about something more than football and shopping. Ask questions – real questions.

“Hey, have you found porn on your kid’s phone? Hey, are people sending your daughter dink pics yet?”

Have real conversations with your friends. They don’t need to be “off limits.” This whole, weird aura of unapproachable subjects related to sex and pornography doesn’t have to be so weird.

Find out what they’re doing and what they’re not doing, and use what you learn to begin implementing some “best practices” of your own. And whatever you do: don’t do nothing. The worst thing that you can do is nothing.

MY FAVORITE QUOTES FROM THIS PODCAST EPISODE

  • As parents, and perhaps especially as Christian parents, we often want to pretend that we have it all together. We might not go looking for help because it might mean being honest about what’s really going on.
  • I guarantee you that there are other parents asking the same questions that you are. The problem is, we’re just not talking about it.
  • If your kids are just going through life unchecked – if no one’s ever going to ask – then no one’s ever going to look at their phones. Left to their own devices, our kids simply aren’t going to make the best decisions (after all… did you?).
  • As a parent, I would implore you to get as comfortable as you can with your children so you can talk to them about it.
  • As we heard in the first Whiteboard video we did, the entirety of your teen’s brain is not fully developed… so help them protect that development – that precious part of themselves – and love them in the ways that only you can.
  • You – as a parent – need other parents in your life.
  • You’ve got to have real conversations.
  • The worst thing that you can do is do nothing.

LISTEN TO THE AUDIO

WATCH THE VIDEO

RESOURCES TO CHECK OUT

  • Download the podcast episode HERE.
  • Get the book Touchy Subjects HERE.
  • Listen to more episodes of the podcast HERE.

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