How My “Harmless” Free Porn Habit Cost Me My Job, Relationship, and Reputation

By KC

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Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.

We received a short story from a Fighter who wants the world to know how harmful porn really is.

It all started when I was 13. I remember that day, because it changed my life forever.

My 15-year-old-brother came into my room like he always did when he wanted to show me something. That day, he showed me a porn video. It was interesting to watch, and I felt weird watching it at the time. But it seemed to be okay, because he said it was good. So I believed him.

Related: From One Guy To Another: Quit Watching Porn, It’s Not Worth It

But it didn’t stop there—that was just the beginning. At the ripe age of 14, my brother came into my room with his girlfriend, and they started showing a video to me that had two guys and one girl doing things to each other. I was confused, but intrigued. He said, “We should all do it!” She and I didn’t want to but, he insisted and said it would be fun just like the video.

So we did. She was unhappy, felt used, and later broke up with him.

Time moved on, but I was stuck in obsession

Time passed after those formative years. I got older had a good job. I thought my life was in a good place, but I was still watching porn every night. When I got married, I tried to be intimate with my wife, but when she refused, I would just go to porn. I even bought sex with a prostituted person.

Porn was my life now. I joined fetish clubs, and just indulged in everything thrown in front of me with no question. Why would I? It felt good, and it didn’t seem to be harming anyone so what was the problem?

Little did I know that my “harmless” habit really was harming someone: me.

When the fun and games ended

For the moment, and in the moment, it was fun. But then, everything started deteriorating. My wife left me because we weren’t connecting. I lost my job for wanting porn more than work. I got arrested for being with an escort. And now, I have a record and it’s harder to find a job…it’s a never-ending cycle.

Related: Asking My Wife To Watch Porn With Me Actually Ruined Our Marriage

I’m in therapy now to get the help I need, because I know that I need help. And I always think back to that one day that changed my life. Is this really me, is this really what I wanted, or did porn warp my mind at 13?

I honestly hope you share my story so more and more people know the dangers of porn. It isn’t worth it.

T.

Why This Matters

This heartbreaking story shows how a “harmless” habit can be exponentially more harmful than expected.

As a porn consumer finds himself or herself further down the vicious cycle of consuming porn, the isolating habit can lead consumers to skip out on interacting with friends, trying new hobbies or participating in old ones, and ultimately connecting with the people in their lives. [1] This is all because consumers’ brains have become so reliant on porn that it can start to make them think they will be more satisfied consuming porn than participating in those real-life experiences. [2]

Related: True Story: My Gambling Addiction Cost Money, But Porn Cost Me Everything

Breaking free of this cycle, reaching out for help, finding support, and establishing healthy forms of intimacy in one’s life can eliminate the poor self-esteem caused by porn. Many people who have broken free of a porn habit have reported greater happiness, better self-esteem, improved mental health, and happier relationships. And who wouldn’t want that?

The truth is, real love requires real commitment to real people, including yourself. And in the end, choosing real love over porn gives people greater freedom and control to decide what they really want to do with their time and energy.

Related: 40 Reasons Why Ditching Porn For Good Is A Great Idea

Instead of someone sitting in front of a computer for hours, consuming a product that can isolate and damage relationships, they can focus on reality. Keeping porn out of your life gives you the freedom and time to try that new sport you have been interested in, take that class that sounds really interesting, travel to a new place with family members, invest in friendships, or find the one you want to spend time loving and growing old with—the real way.

Real life, and real life-giving experiences have so much more to offer than porn and synthetic sex ever will.

Citations

[1] Volkow, N. D., Koob, G. F., & Mclellan, A. T. (2016). Neurobiological Advances From The Brain Disease Model Of Addiction. New England Journal Of Medicine, 374, 363-371. Doi:10.1056/Nejmra1511480; Park, B. Y., Et Al. (2016). Is Internet Pornography Causing Sexual Dysfunctions? A Review With Clinical Reports. Behavioral Sciences, 6, 17. Doi:10.3390/Bs6030017
[2] Volkow, N. D., Koob, G. F., & McLellan, A. T. (2016). Neurobiological Advances From The Brain Disease Model Of Addiction. New England Journal Of Medicine, 374: 363-371. Doi:10.1056/NEJMra1511480

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