Why I Choose to See My Boyfriend as More than His Struggle with Porn

By KC

Conversation Blueprint

Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.

We recently received a true story that shows how love can persevere through difficult circumstances—even through a difficult fight to give up porn. Some stories, like this one, show how honesty and vulnerability can help rebuild trust and help a relationship heal and reconnect.

Hi FTND,

I just wanted to share my experience. I have been with my boyfriend now for over 18 months. We were on a holiday with friends, and at this point, we had been dating for three months. I was looking for a photo that I had taken on his phone previously and that’s when I found it—I found the porn he had on his phone. He walked up to me and saw that I had seen it, but didn’t really say anything about it.

Related: Why I Chose To Support My Cybersex-Addicted Partner As He Recovers

Later that day, he confessed and told me that he had been struggling with porn. It was an issue that he couldn’t even remember the starting point of. It started out of curiosity but had a hold on him for probably at least 4 years. I was crushed, but also felt so naive for not knowing about it. The fact that for this time he had really been looking at other girls, I felt as though I had to compete for his love. Originally, I told him that I wasn’t going to do that. He told me how he had tried to stop before but each time it sucked him back in.

I was so hurt by it all, but not once did I think of leaving him. Sure, it might have been easier but I was not going to let this get in the way of us. It did not define who he was, his actions and his past do not have to define his future. I stood by him and we both chose to fight for love because it is so much more rewarding than an artificial moment on the internet. Since that day, he tells me he has not watched porn or actively searched anything, and it has been over a year. I trust him.

Related: 3 Ways To Help Your Porn-Obsessed Brain Recover

He says how much he hates porn now, even just the word because of what it did to his life and is doing to so many others. Now he is stronger, we both are stronger. I love him now more than I did before because I know where he has been in his darkest moments, yet now he will fight for love with all he has.

I don’t mind if this is shared, but if so please do so anonymously.

– M.

Why this matters

Sometimes relationships don’t outlast a struggle with porn—and sometimes, like in this story, they do. It’s up to every individual to decide what path is best for them, and for this Fighter, it was choosing to continue to fight for her relationship. This same choice wouldn’t work for everyone, and that’s okay—but it worked for them, and that’s awesome.

We’re all about the science and research behind the harmful effects of pornography, and we also like to share real-life stories—raw personal accounts that illustrate the destructive nature of porn in the lives of real people. And because we are not just anti-porn—we are pro-love, pro-healthy sex, and pro-relationships—we’re always excited to see couples push through the roadblocks porn can put in place.

Related: How My Boyfriend Broke-Up With Porn By Joining This Awesome Platform

Basically, we are fighting for love as much as we are fighting against porn.

In the thousands of messages we get from people all across the world, the majority are about relationships that have been damaged by porn. But we love hearing stories like this of Fighters that are making it work, and choosing to love through the hurt caused by porn.

Related: The Male Perspective: My Girlfriend Watches Porn Behind My Back

It is really important to remember that people who have experienced porn’s negative effects in their life aren’t permanently broken human beings who do not deserve healing and healthy relationships. It’s harmful to view people this way, and if we want people to give up porn, shaming consumers does not ultimately help. The reality is, porn absolutely causes negative effects in consumers’ lives and in relationships, but it is possible to move past it and progress for those who desire healing.

We can all fight for love by raising awareness on the fact that porn can be highly addictive and it damages relationships, as well as providing or finding the best support to those already struggling.

The post Why I Choose to See My Boyfriend as More than His Struggle with Porn appeared first on Fight the New Drug.