8 Need-To-Know Facts About Sexting and Revenge Porn

By KC The normalization of sexting is fueling the rise of revenge porn cases, and the rise of revenge porn is causing a ripple effect of damage in our society. It’s 2018, and everyone and anyone has access to smartphones and social media at an increasingly younger age. Sure, there are perks to this, like […]

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5 Steps to Survive Separation or Divorce

By Jill Barlow Sexual betrayal in a relationship causes a multitude of issues. There are couples who decide separate for a period of time, in order to give space for healing. This is totally normal and ok to do. Many couples get back together after being separated. Unfortunately, other marriages end in divorce. Either way, […]

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Help

By XXXchurch Visitor Letter to myself: Dear ______, You know what you have done is sinful but you never stopped. You have hurt everyone who cares for you, and continuously disappointed them. You pretend that everything is ok but you’re actually falling apart, inside. You use everyone that is nice to you and you make […]

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Help yourself

By XXXchurch Visitor Letter to myself: Dear ______ You know what you have been doing and you should be ashamed of yourself. Your actions have hurt everyone that cares for you, that’s why they are leaving you. Do you want to end up alone? You have to face the fact that you’re hiding your own […]

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5 Basic Reasons Why People Choose To Look At Porn
Arousal, education, loneliness, boredom, and peer pressure are all basic reasons why people turn to hardcore, explicit content. But no matter the reason, there’s a harmful impact connected. Watching just isn’t worth it, for any reason.

Porn is easier to find than a good restaurant for date night, and it’ll never reject a consumer like a real person would. It’s even become normalized to the point that some people think watching porn together is a solid suggestion to pass the time or fulfill loneliness.

It’s a disservice to assume everyone watches porn—we know more than a few people who do not. And while we know a lot of the good reasons why people say no to watching and engaging with porn, we rarely stop to think about why people say yes.

Let’s dive into some of the basics. Why do people consume porn?

Arousal

The top reason why a people look at porn is sexual pleasure, and out of all the explanations, this is the one porn is specifically produced for.

Here’s a simple fact: sex is a basic human need no one can or wants to disregard. Some people wanting to de-stress at the end of the day turn to porn. In a relationship where partners have different drives, or a single person desiring sex, again porn is a go-to place to fill that need.

But while porn is specifically produced to arouse, it’s not produced to be healthy or safe for the consumer.

Porn promises a variety of sex, “hotter” sex, and then more and more sex. But think about it—it’s promising more porn, not a real sexual relationship.

Research shows how porn actually leads to a lesser quantity and quality of real sex. This is because as a person turns more to porn, they no longer feel arousal when connecting with an actual person …read more

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Why Watching Porn Can Make You Feel More Isolated, Depressed & Lonely

Imagine that you’ve been in a desert for days, wandering by yourself in the sweltering heat. Suddenly, you come to an ocean of water…but it’s salt water. You haven’t quenched your thirst for a long time, so that ocean looks pretty amazing, even if it’s salty. Would you drink it?

You probably shouldn’t—salt water will actually leave you thirstier than before, and if you drink enough of it, it could actually kill you. While it may look appealing and satisfying, it’s only going to hurt you and leave you worse off than before you took a drink.

Similarly, many people turn to porn as a means of momentary companionship and human interaction. There may be a void in their life, or they’re feeling sad and lonely, and porn seems like it could do the job for at least a temporary feeling of connection. Unfortunately, studies show that porn can actually leave consumers feeling worse off than before they clicked.

With time, consumers can become more depressed, lonely, socially isolated, and mentally anxious than ever. We get countless personal stories that reinforce the numerous studies that show how porn is never worth it.

Depression

“Any time [a person] spends much time with the usual pornography usage cycle, it can’t help but be a depressing, demeaning, self-loathing kind of experience,” says Dr. Gary Brooks, a psychologist who has worked with porn addicts for the last 30 years. [1]

It is hard to say what comes first, pornography or depression. However, pornography is often used to temporarily silence feelings of sadness, fear, anger, or boredom. This habit can quickly lead to depression, or worsen existing depression. It’s like a chicken and egg scenario: you’re not really sure which one comes first, but either option isn’t a good one.

Related: True Story: My Lonely Journey As A Woman …read more

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For Parents: My 14-Year-Old Daughter’s Experience With Porn Changed Our Lives In Unexpected Ways
This post was originally featured on Huffington Post by Amelia M. Miller. Click here to read this piece in full. It has been edited for length and content, subheaders have been added. 10 minute read.

Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.

This story shows one experience from one parent in dealing with porn with one of their children. Of course, every parent will do what they feel is best in talking with their children about porn, while we feel the non-shaming approach this mom took is pretty inspiring.


One fateful night in November 2014 my then-14-year-old daughter woke up my husband and me at 2 a.m.

Crying and visibly distraught, she whispered, “Mom, I have to tell you something.”

Those dreaded words are guaranteed to jolt even the deepest sleeper into full-alert mode. Immediately my mom brain raced through the usual suspects: Is she pregnant/on drugs/in serious trouble? Is one of her friends pregnant/on drugs/in serious trouble? Whatever the inspiration for her urgent need to talk to me in the middle of the night was, I knew I had to remain calm to keep her from freaking out any worse than she already was.

The “FBI” found her secret

I sat up quietly. “OK. What’s up?” I asked her as evenly as possible.

Instead of answering me, she handed me her iPhone. That act alone spoke to the severity of the situation—normally she barely let me look at her phone, let alone lay …read more

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YouTube Removes Explicit Webcam Site Ads From Kids’ Videos

In the last few weeks, YouTube has been getting negative feedback about some not-so-appropriate ads that have been popping up on several videos.

But what are these ads promoting that some people would complain about them? You guessed it, porn. In the thumbnail of the ad appeared an explicit image of two people, with a link to one of the most popular webcamming porn sites in Europe: BongaCams.

Some of these videos have over 300,000 views, and what’s most concerning is that some of these videos are for kids. This violates YouTube’s Ad policy, that does “not [permit] for the promotion of any adult or pornographic content.”

Since this news has come out, YouTube has responded, saying that, “ While we make every effort to ensure that ads which may violate our policies do not run prior to review, some ads may be run on Google before our AdWords Specialists check them.”

For reference, in just a week, YouTube removed two million ads from videos or channels pretending to show “family-friendly content.” Clearly, it’s no easy task to check everything out when there’s so much junk out there, but letting a direct link to a webcam site be on kids’ videos is just not cool.

What’s the big deal?

This is a serious problem, especially when it comes to children’s videos. Why? Well, it’s pretty common to hear people say that their first exposure to porn was from something that popped up on their screen: an image, word, or video that just triggered their curiosity and catapulted them into a years-long habit.

In fact, it’s more common than we think, especially when kids ages 12-15 spend over 21 hours online. On the phone, tablet, computer: it’s an increase of 7 hours in the past 10 …read more

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Change Begins With One: How You Can Actively Choose to Fight Sexual Exploitation
Cover photo by Michaela. 3 minute read.

There was a time when the issue of pornography was a matter of personal opinion. Some people felt it was natural, normal, and even expected it to be consumed. Others were opposed to it, usually on a moral basis or due to political views. However, few people, if any, seemed to have concrete evidence to support their points of view.

But not anymore.

Our Story

As college students not too long ago, our co-founders came across the recent (at the time) science of how porn affects the brain. And after further study, they began to find that porn not only has negative effects on individuals, but that pornography’s influence can cause problems in relationships. As they continued to learn, they also discovered that production of pornography is often inseparably connected to the world of sex trafficking and sexual exploitation.

And from there, this awareness campaign was born. Check out the rest of the story and how this organization began:

Our Mission

Since our start, we’ve grown into a worldwide movement that has defined the anti-porn, pro-love wave of change, and an organization that reaches youth through in-person presentations, online campaigns, and a recovery program. Over 1.5 million people from hundreds of countries have united, regardless of personal background or belief, under one common cause—to speak out on the deeply harmful, proven negative effects of pornography.

And every day, this organization and its global community continue to change the conversation around pornography and shine a light on its real harms.

Our Followers & Supporters

We know it sounds cliché, but it’s true, we would be nowhere without our amazing followers—who we like to refer to as “Fighters.” With every blog re-share, retweet, Instagram photo, and personal story submission, this cause grows and invites more …read more

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How My Boyfriend’s Porn Obsession Fueled My Eating Disorder

Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.

We recently received this true story from a girl who felt firsthand how much a porn addicted partner can hurt a relationshipespecially when their significant other has struggles of their own. Some stories, like this one, show how sometimes the best decision for the partner of a porn addict is for them to get out of the relationship and seek recovery for themselves.


Dear FTND,

I fully support your saying “Porn Kills Love” with an undying passion. Literally.

This past month I made the hardest decision I have ever made this far into my life. And that was to break up with my boyfriend who is obsessed with porn. Because of his selfish actions, his demons were feeding mine. Or more like starving them.

My own personal battle, my toxic boyfriend

I am 17 years old and I have struggled with anorexia since the second grade.

When I first started high school, that was when life finally started coming together. My eating habits started to become healthy! I was proud of myself and my improvements and was finally starting to view myself as beautiful. Sophomore year rolled around, and I started dating this guy. He made me happier than anything in the world, but little did I know he would also be the trigger of my disorder again.

It was three months into the relationship that he confessed to me of his porn habit. Because it was impossible …read more

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Porn in Plain Sight: How Explicit Content Is More Visible Than Ever

With so many headlines featuring the words “pornography” and “public,” it’s obvious that porn isn’t exactly a private, personal past time.

News stories continue to pop up that show just how much pornography is exposed in public scenarios in what should be typical everyday situations. What is traditionally seen as hopping on incognito mode and browsing the dark web in the basement, now explicit materials have now found their way into our public schools, store checkout lines, and train stations.

Porn and Schools

Pornographic content is intended for the individual and instant gratification of adult consumers, however temporary or unhealthy that gratification may be. The trouble, however, is that we live in a digital age where privacy is virtually impossible and protection from explicit content seems to be, well, nonexistent.

A news story early last year made headlines when a 7th grade teacher at Rancho Del Ray Middle School in Chula Vista, California accidentally showed a pornographic video during a fourth-period world cultures class, leaving the students feeling “shocked” and “scared.” A similar story happened recently when a teacher at Horace Mann Middle School in San Diego was accused of exposing a sixth-grade class to pornography.

These teachers’ carelessness isn’t the only issue though. Time and time again, security measures put in place by school districts turn faulty and pornography pops up on the students’ computer screens. That is what happened to this third-grader who was exposed to porn on a computer in his school in New York.

Porn and Regular Errands

Other instances have made even the most everyday errand seem like an opportunity for accidental exposure. For instance, earlier this year, ABC News reported on a sickening story of a five-year-old girl who was shown a sexually explicit video by a stranger who “motioned for the child …read more

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Breaking News: Bill Cosby Found Guilty of 3 Counts of Aggravated Sexual Assault
Cover photo by Mark Makela/Getty Images. 3 minute read.

Today, a Pennsylvania jury found actor and comedian Bill Cosby guilty of three felony counts of sexual assault of Temple University employee Andrea Constand at his suburban Philadelphia home in 2004: penetration with lack of consent, penetration while unconscious, and penetration after administering an intoxicant. He claimed the encounter was consensual.

Each count is punishable by up to 10 years in state prison, meaning that Cosby could be sentenced to up to 30 years. He is likely to get less than that under state sentencing guidelines, but given his age, even a modest term could mean he will die behind bars.

According to a PBS news report, the verdict came after a two-week retrial in which prosecutors put five other women on the stand who testified that Cosby, married for 54 years, drugged and violated them, too. One of those women asked him through her tears, “You remember, don’t you, Mr. Cosby?”

The verdict is in: William H. Cosby Jr. is guilty of all charges.

— Montgomery County DA (@MontcopaDA) April 26, 2018

The panel of seven men and five women reached a verdict after deliberating 14 hours over two days, vindicating prosecutors’ decision to retry Cosby after his first trial ended with a hung jury less than a year ago.

According to the Wall Street Journal, some view Mr. Cosby’s retrial as a referendum on the #MeToo movement, the wave of sexual-misconduct allegations against prominent men that burst into view last fall—after the first trial but before the second.

Porn Normalizes Abuse

And as horrific and unacceptable as his actions are, the celebrated and normalized porn industry regularly profits from scenarios just like them.

“Real drugged and passed out,” 1.3 million views. “Only real forced sex videos, no fake” a top porn site’s …read more

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True Story: I Don’t Want To Look At Porn, Does That Make Me Weird?

Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.

Porn can have an effect on someone, even if they’ve never seen it before. This teen Fighter’s story gives us a look inside what it’s like to go against the grain and choose not to consume.


Hello there, FTND!

This is a really random message, but I just want to thank you all for what you are doing. I have never watched porn before, because I always felt it was wrong in so many ways. When I was a young girl, I never had any desire to watch it and so I never did.

Society has indeed normalized porn. So much so, that I would never say anything about it when friends would talk about it, because they made me feel like I was the weird one for not doing it. Even before having sex for the first time, this all had quite an impact in me. I still have to tell myself that I’m not weird for not wanting to watch porn and that there’s nothing I’m missing from it. I have to convince myself that I don’t have sexual issues without having any desire for porn, because that’s what people have made me feel, including previous boyfriends.

Related: 20 Years Of Looking At Porn And I Wouldn’t Wish This On Anyone

Knowing that my previous partners and current boyfriend have all seen porn, it’s created a huge anxiety in me. It makes me …read more

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Sex Robots Are Becoming A Reality, But Are They Dangerous For Society?
Cover Image From New York Times Coverage On The Real Doll Factory. Portions of this article was originally posted on The Telegraph By .

It’s Saturday night, 2050. You switch on some music, turn down the lights and flick the switch to ON. No need for dinner or even a clean shirt because tonight, you’re romancing a robot.

That’s the scenario envisioned by David Levy, author of Love and Sex and Robots, who predicts it won’t be long before we’re all doing it—with machines.

Can you imagine the practice of sex with a humanoid robot being commonplace in society? Apparently, this will be the norm in a few short decades. Futurologist Dr. Ian Pearson released a report in which he predicts the future of sex.

Sex robot predictions

The report was released in partnership with one of the UK’s leading sex toy shops. Dr. Pearson makes the point that robotic sex toys have been in use for around a century, and that virtual reality porn is becoming mainstream.

Related: What It’s Like To Watch Porn In Virtual Reality

So, what really is the taboo around sex robots which have got some people incredibly fired up?

In the report, Dr. Pearson states:

☒ We will start to see some forms of robot sex appearing in high-income, very wealthy households as soon as 2025.

☒ By 2030, most people will have some form of virtual sex as casually as they browse porn today.

☒ By 2035 the majority of people will own sex toys that interact with virtual reality sex.

☒ We will start to see robot sex overtaking human-human in 2050.

☒ Leisure spending could grow by a factor of five, and the sex market in 20 years could be three times bigger than today and seven times bigger …read more

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3 Lies Porn Taught Me About Sex

Sadly, most people—both men and women—don’t know what sex is today.

It was a fall day in third grade. I jumped off the bus and abided by my normal routine of climbing my next-door neighbor’s fence and knocking on the front door to join Jackson, my next door neighbor, in whatever nonsense he was getting into that day.

From the moment he opened the door, something about the wild in his eyes and the smirk on his face told me today was different. He anxiously invited me in, quietly shut the door behind me, and ran upstairs. I followed him to the back of the house where a storage closet opened up to a walk-in attic.

Apparently his mom wasn’t aware of the dozen boxes of Playboys packed away when she asked Jackson to organize the attic that day. He wasn’t sad about her ignorance, and neither were my preteen hormones. We spent the next sixty minutes skimming the magazines and creating misconceptions about sex that would take me years to understand.

My earliest sexual awakening was built on fantasizing about women who weren’t actually real. These bad ideas about sex continued to be facilitated by the occasional exposure to pornography throughout my teenage years. And even though I never developed an addiction, my exposure was enough to keep me thoroughly misinformed about sex.

Most men have their own version of this story. According to recent statistics in 2013, 85% of men look at pornography at least once a month. And part of the 85% or not, we’ve all likely been misinformed about sex by marketers and the media throughout our lives.

Pornography has lied to us about sex. It elicits and perpetuates ideas about intimacy that are actually more about fantasy than they are about real sex. It has taken a gift given to us …read more

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Will You Choose Freedom?

We live in a weird world. Our society shames people for acknowledging that you can’t do it all alone.

I’m convinced that the individualism we love to champion is actually destroying us. Why is there such a stigma surrounding the need for others?

What are we trying to prove? And to whom?

We weren’t meant to do everything all alone.

When it comes to avoiding or overcoming habits – and especially something that can be as addictive as pornography – we need help more than ever. I would love it if we could be a part of rewriting the script – doing away with the word “shame” and replacing it with something like “brave.”

Certainly, vulnerability takes bravery, and there is nothing shameful about doing anything and everything that you can to protect yourself, your family, and your future from the devastating effects that pornography can have on you and the ones you love.

It. Is. Everywhere.

From interstate billboards to the nightly news to the magazine rack in an airport souvenir store to the iPhone in your back pocket, pornography has become a normalized, everyday part of our culture.

Click Here to JoinPerhaps most notably as of late: the current scandal surrounding the President of the United States.

I think that it should be a wake-up call to all of us. I suppose I’m taking a risk even mentioning it, what with how volatile our current political climate, but I also think it must be said. We have an opportunity to learn something profound here.

For those who aren’t aware, President Donald Trump and a pornography star named Stormy Daniels are currently in the middle of a big, public lawsuit. A bunch of news outlets have been covering the story, and 60 …read more

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3 Simple Ways To Build Intimacy Within Marriage
build-intimacy

If you’ve been married for any length of time, you know that the relationship you have with your spouse should be like no other. Two people who’ve made a commitment to each other have started on a journey to merge their lives together. This is almost always a beautiful and messy process all at the same time! At least it has been in my marriage so far.

The process of becoming closer to my wife has gone through a lot of transformation over the years and yet I’m still learning. This word, INTIMACY, has taken on a deeper meaning for me as I’ve discovered what makes my wife tick and what she craves emotionally from me.

For some people, a phrase like “intimacy within marriage” is a scary one, while for others, it just equates to sex.

The truth is, intimacy relies on a lot of different things all working together, making it something we must learn in order to put into practice.

So what steps can you take today to build intimacy within marriage, especially if the flame feels like its starting to go out? Here are three that I’ve found to be landmark actions that I need to take to build intimacy within marriage:

1. Encourage

Your spouse needs to know that you love them and that you’re pleased with them. That you find them attractive and gifted at what they do. Encouragement requires you to KNOW your spouse and be PRESENT to their frustrations, fears, and anxieties. It also means celebrating with them on what goes well. If you’re not used to talking, start practicing! We all need encouragement, especially our spouses. Remind them on a daily basis all of the great things you see coming out of their life. Something we often forget is the weight that our spouses often bear upon …read more

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Don’t Get Caught Off Guard with Their Grieving
x3-fighting-for-my-marriage-facebook-10

“John” came into the counseling office looking very despondent. “I don’t understand what happened this week,” he said. “’Jane’ had been doing so well and I have not seen her angry in more than a month. Then she just exploded. Crying, throwing things, cursing at me. I thought we were good. What happened?”

“John” is a recovering pornography addict who has been in therapy for nearly one year and his wife, “Jane,” is working on her own betrayal recovery. What “John” encountered is not unusual for a couple doing the intense work to get their marriage back on track.

“Jane” was going through another bout of grieving over the betrayal she experienced from “John’s” use of pornography during their marriage. What happened with “Jane” is simply part of the recovery process. Men tend to forget the average recovery time for a woman dealing with betrayal is 12-24 months.

Over the past month, “Jane” had been practicing self-soothing herself when she was feeling angry or sad as she thought about “John’s” actions. She was trying to reduce the amount of negativity she was experiencing when spending time with her husband.

There is nothing wrong with “Jane” trying to stay more positive around “John,” her only mistake was she should have told him what she was attempting to do. This would have helped set “John’s” expectations about her recovery.

But he also made mistakes.

Enjoying the stability of a peaceful home, “John” didn’t take opportunity to ask “Jane” how she was dealing with her recovery. If he had, she most likely would have shared her emotions, instead of holding them in.

His second error was mistaking “Jane’s” calm demeanor to indicate she was no longer emotionally or mentally troubled by his pornography addiction. As I tell my male clients, while your wife may be presenting a calm and peaceful …read more

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4 Ways To Respond To Your Spouse’s Porn Problem

As an author and speaker about the inner thoughts and feelings of men, including the visual nature of men, I get a lot of questions from my audiences, like this very common one: “I just discovered my spouse is using porn and am devastated. What should I do?

My team and I always want to have answers, but since we are social researchers and not counselors, we interviewed Michael Todd Wilson to get his take on this. Michael Todd (MT) is a licensed professional counselor and a certified sex therapist who we highly respect. He gives counsel and advice to men and women all over the country on these topics, and we wanted to tap into his wisdom for a series of articles based on our interviews with him.

What follows is professional and practical advice for the person who has discovered their spouse using porn. For simplicity, we wrote from the viewpoint of a wife discovering her husband’s porn habit, as that is the majority of cases, but the same advice would apply if the roles are reversed.

This advice also assumes the spouses in question have a personal faith in God. We know not all readers will share that personal faith, but we unapologetically believe no one can do this on their own. If you find yourself in this situation, reach out to God and see that you can rely on Him for help in all areas of life – starting with your own difficulties right now.

And that is vital because as you will see, it is essential to ask God to give you the ability to respond well before you tackle this topic with your mate, to have not only good, firm boundaries, but also a healthy dose of the grace and compassion that is so important to a …read more

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What if Masturbation Could Heal Us?

If there’s one topic that freaks Christians out the most, it’s masturbation.

When you tune into the discussion, it can get alarmingly serious.

There are believers who stand on either side of the fence on this topic, but overwhelmingly within the Church, masturbation is considered off-limits.

In a world of passionate forbiddance, I’d like to stand up and ask…

‘What If?’

What if masturbation could heal us?

What if there are people and situations being overlooked in the debate?

What if masturbation is more of a grey area that we ever anticipated?

Masturbation Addiction Is Legit

First of all, let’s acknowledge masturbation can be a serious struggle. It can become a compulsive, damaging addiction. That’s real. For some, masturbation accompanies porn use or voyeurism. It can have real consequences, and for some people, it must remain off-limits.

Further to this, within the Christian belief system, there are clear instructions regarding sexual behaviours. Followers of Jesus are called to avoid sexual activity outside of marriage, including lustful thoughts.

These realities make traversing through ‘What If?’ territory mighty uncomfortable. But we needn’t fear exploring alternative positions. Our God is big, gracious, and sovereign enough to guide us through the grey and uncomfortable.

With this in mind, let’s explore some ways masturbation might be able to heal.

Methadone Masturbation

You’ve probably heard that porn is like a drug. It affects your brain in the same way heroin or cocaine can. Both behavior and substance can become addictive, and users may become dependent, requiring heavier doses to experience the chemical ‘rush’. With both sexual behaviors and drug use, withdrawals are a common struggle when beginning the recovery journey. The suffering associated with withdrawals often leads to relapse.

The solution for heroin or other opioid addicts is Methadone. It is a prescription drug which eases withdrawal symptoms to make the transition to sobriety possible in those …read more

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