By Kris Rios
The Month of Love is Here
February has finally approached us again. Draped on every storefront in our small town of Santa Barbara are heart cut-outs, pictures of cupid, and of course, the signs that read buy him/her the perfect gift this year. As I curiously looked at all the decorative love day advertisement’s I couldn’t help to think of one Valentine’s Day in particular.
It was the year my husband and I had just gotten engaged and decided to spend this love day with a couple of his close friends out of town. It took us six hours driving down south to finally make it to Orange County. Upon arriving, we both blew open the doors and excitedly jumped out, thinking it never felt so good to be outside of a car.
His friends greeted us at the door, and the night went off without a hitch. Great food, stories of the past, and of course, topics that related to the most love-filled holiday of the year. The topics included what each couple has in common, what do we love the most about each other, etc.
They Watched Porn
I remember later overhearing his friends discuss how one of the things they had in common was watching porn together. Eager to understand more, I walked closer to take a listen. When describing how it made their sex life better, and how it was one of the many fun things they did together, I looked over at my fiancé confused. I couldn’t grasp how porn was something that could better marriage, and how it had become such a common thing for couples to introduce in the relationship. While growing up, I always felt that porn was a person’s hidden secret, and here I was openly entertaining a conversation on how it could be great for married life.
I Became Curious About Porn
The thoughts of viewing pornography as a positive source of fulfillment for marriage loomed my mind. Little by little, what was once something that seemed so dirty, started to convincingly become a great way to spice up our sex life when we were married. The little thoughts I entertained made way for me to slowly forget the values I stood for and was willing to compromise. At times we so often believe that the littlest of things we entertain will have little or no effect on us. Or maybe it’s because something as minuscule as a thought could hardly divert you onto a path you’d never consider walking down. But I assure you something as little as a virus, can result in irreparable damage or even death!
In the book Fresh Fire by Richard & Brittni De La Mora the authors give an array of examples from the bible that significantly proves why it’s the smallest of things that create the most significant results. Whether it was David’s tiny stones that killed goliath or how Jesus fed thousands with just a few fish, the authors concluded that it was the little things that make the most significant impact on our hearts. Now I know that their directive was on how it’s the little things that help your marriage, but could I be so bold as to propose that it’s in the little things that can be the reason your marriage/relationship can fall apart?
What’s Your Little Thing?
Today I want you to identify your little thing. What is the little thing that creeps you closer to the darkness called lust? I know now that the childhood sexual abuse I experienced paved the way for the hidden insecurity I felt about myself. Daily I’d look in the mirror and see the words dirty etched on my forehead and think I’ll never be good enough.
Why I Entertained the Thoughts About Porn
When I entertained the possibility of bringing porn into our bedroom, it came from a place of not knowing in my mind if I would be enough for my fiancé. When you don’t know your worth, any lie will become truth. Perhaps your little thing maybe not be insecurity, maybe your little thing is loneliness. Perhaps by allowing that to become who you are has caused you to step onto a path that God never intended for you. For the married couples, could it be that your little thing isn’t taking the time to communicate, or even be intimate with one another for that matter? Could the results have ended in taking those steps into a dark place to entertain a façade of what you think would fulfill your needs? So many little things yet none ever lead to fulfillment.
Songs of Solomon 2:15 reads like this;
“Catch the foxes, the little foxes, before they ruin our vineyard in bloom.”
The Little Things Rarely Seem Like a BIG Deal
I genuinely believe that we have become a generation where we’ve grown so naïve as to think that there is no harm by looking and entertaining little things that could be hazardous for us in the long run. Take, for instance, someone who tries smoking a cigarette for the first time, it starts out being social and not a big deal until you are fully addicted or even worse die because of it. It started with something as small as a yes to begin the start down the road to destruction. The bible says to catch these little foxes before they ruin what’s in bloom. It’s the little things that will build your relationship, and it’s the little things that will destroy your relationship.
How to Get Free From Lust
To be freed from the enticement of lust, we must first recognize the need to go toward that path in the first place. We must retrace the steps down the road of the little things that started it all. For me, it was the insecurity of childhood trauma. For you, it could be an abusive relationship from your past that never healed correctly, causing you to build walls around you. Whatever that root, maybe it’s crucial to find it, pull it, and destroy the little pathways that lead to destruction.
My hope for you this love day season isn’t that you’d continually search down a dark road of little things to find your fulfillment, but instead allow those dark hidden places to reach the light finally.
Communicate Your Needs
I encourage you if your little thing is hiding your needs from your spouse, have the faith to be open, and trust that he/she will understand. Don’t allow the thoughts to creep in and make you believe that you can’t communicate your needs because if you aren’t careful, those little needs will be sought after elsewhere. If you find yourself in a relationship that has made you little by little compromise the values you once stood for, I encourage you to seek wise counsel and find a trustworthy accountability partner. For those struggling with the little negative thoughts that have shaped your relational decision making, I encourage you to affirm who God says you are daily. Take those little thoughts and replace them with God’s word, which is true and never returns void.
It’s when we finally take captive those tiniest of things we will begin to see our relationships and life in such a new and fulfilled way, the way God had always intended for you and me. It’s the little things that turn into the biggest breakthrough of our lives & it’s the little things that can lead us to destruction, at the end of the day we must decide if we want to buy into a façade or freely receive the gift of God’s truth.
Fresh Fire is a 14-day challenge to a more passionate relationship. This Valentines Day we encourage you to take this 14-day challenge with us at XXXchurch! You can grab your copies here.