True Story: I Don’t Want To Look At Porn, Does That Make Me Weird?

Many people contact Fight the New Drug to share their personal stories about how porn has affected their life or the life of a loved one. We consider these personal accounts very valuable because, while the science and research is powerful within its own right, personal accounts from real people seem to really hit home about the damage that pornography does to real lives.

Porn can have an effect on someone, even if they’ve never seen it before. This teen Fighter’s story gives us a look inside what it’s like to go against the grain and choose not to consume.

Hello there, FTND!

This is a really random message, but I just want to thank you all for what you are doing. I have never watched porn before, because I always felt it was wrong in so many ways. When I was a young girl, I never had any desire to watch it and so I never did.

Society has indeed normalized porn. So much so, that I would never say anything about it when friends would talk about it, because they made me feel like I was the weird one for not doing it. Even before having sex for the first time, this all had quite an impact in me. I still have to tell myself that I’m not weird for not wanting to watch porn and that there’s nothing I’m missing from it. I have to convince myself that I don’t have sexual issues without having any desire for porn, because that’s what people have made me feel, including previous boyfriends.

Related: 20 Years Of Looking At Porn And I Wouldn’t Wish This On Anyone

Knowing that my previous partners and current boyfriend have all seen porn, it’s created a huge anxiety in me. It makes me …read more

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Sex Robots Are Becoming A Reality, But Are They Dangerous For Society?
Cover Image From New York Times Coverage On The Real Doll Factory. Portions of this article was originally posted on The Telegraph By .

It’s Saturday night, 2050. You switch on some music, turn down the lights and flick the switch to ON. No need for dinner or even a clean shirt because tonight, you’re romancing a robot.

That’s the scenario envisioned by David Levy, author of Love and Sex and Robots, who predicts it won’t be long before we’re all doing it—with machines.

Can you imagine the practice of sex with a humanoid robot being commonplace in society? Apparently, this will be the norm in a few short decades. Futurologist Dr. Ian Pearson released a report in which he predicts the future of sex.

Sex robot predictions

The report was released in partnership with one of the UK’s leading sex toy shops. Dr. Pearson makes the point that robotic sex toys have been in use for around a century, and that virtual reality porn is becoming mainstream.

Related: What It’s Like To Watch Porn In Virtual Reality

So, what really is the taboo around sex robots which have got some people incredibly fired up?

In the report, Dr. Pearson states:

☒ We will start to see some forms of robot sex appearing in high-income, very wealthy households as soon as 2025.

☒ By 2030, most people will have some form of virtual sex as casually as they browse porn today.

☒ By 2035 the majority of people will own sex toys that interact with virtual reality sex.

☒ We will start to see robot sex overtaking human-human in 2050.

☒ Leisure spending could grow by a factor of five, and the sex market in 20 years could be three times bigger than today and seven times bigger …read more

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3 Lies Porn Taught Me About Sex

Sadly, most people—both men and women—don’t know what sex is today.

It was a fall day in third grade. I jumped off the bus and abided by my normal routine of climbing my next-door neighbor’s fence and knocking on the front door to join Jackson, my next door neighbor, in whatever nonsense he was getting into that day.

From the moment he opened the door, something about the wild in his eyes and the smirk on his face told me today was different. He anxiously invited me in, quietly shut the door behind me, and ran upstairs. I followed him to the back of the house where a storage closet opened up to a walk-in attic.

Apparently his mom wasn’t aware of the dozen boxes of Playboys packed away when she asked Jackson to organize the attic that day. He wasn’t sad about her ignorance, and neither were my preteen hormones. We spent the next sixty minutes skimming the magazines and creating misconceptions about sex that would take me years to understand.

My earliest sexual awakening was built on fantasizing about women who weren’t actually real. These bad ideas about sex continued to be facilitated by the occasional exposure to pornography throughout my teenage years. And even though I never developed an addiction, my exposure was enough to keep me thoroughly misinformed about sex.

Most men have their own version of this story. According to recent statistics in 2013, 85% of men look at pornography at least once a month. And part of the 85% or not, we’ve all likely been misinformed about sex by marketers and the media throughout our lives.

Pornography has lied to us about sex. It elicits and perpetuates ideas about intimacy that are actually more about fantasy than they are about real sex. It has taken a gift given to us …read more

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Will You Choose Freedom?

We live in a weird world. Our society shames people for acknowledging that you can’t do it all alone.

I’m convinced that the individualism we love to champion is actually destroying us. Why is there such a stigma surrounding the need for others?

What are we trying to prove? And to whom?

We weren’t meant to do everything all alone.

When it comes to avoiding or overcoming habits – and especially something that can be as addictive as pornography – we need help more than ever. I would love it if we could be a part of rewriting the script – doing away with the word “shame” and replacing it with something like “brave.”

Certainly, vulnerability takes bravery, and there is nothing shameful about doing anything and everything that you can to protect yourself, your family, and your future from the devastating effects that pornography can have on you and the ones you love.

It. Is. Everywhere.

From interstate billboards to the nightly news to the magazine rack in an airport souvenir store to the iPhone in your back pocket, pornography has become a normalized, everyday part of our culture.

Click Here to JoinPerhaps most notably as of late: the current scandal surrounding the President of the United States.

I think that it should be a wake-up call to all of us. I suppose I’m taking a risk even mentioning it, what with how volatile our current political climate, but I also think it must be said. We have an opportunity to learn something profound here.

For those who aren’t aware, President Donald Trump and a pornography star named Stormy Daniels are currently in the middle of a big, public lawsuit. A bunch of news outlets have been covering the story, and 60 …read more

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3 Simple Ways To Build Intimacy Within Marriage

If you’ve been married for any length of time, you know that the relationship you have with your spouse should be like no other. Two people who’ve made a commitment to each other have started on a journey to merge their lives together. This is almost always a beautiful and messy process all at the same time! At least it has been in my marriage so far.

The process of becoming closer to my wife has gone through a lot of transformation over the years and yet I’m still learning. This word, INTIMACY, has taken on a deeper meaning for me as I’ve discovered what makes my wife tick and what she craves emotionally from me.

For some people, a phrase like “intimacy within marriage” is a scary one, while for others, it just equates to sex.

The truth is, intimacy relies on a lot of different things all working together, making it something we must learn in order to put into practice.

So what steps can you take today to build intimacy within marriage, especially if the flame feels like its starting to go out? Here are three that I’ve found to be landmark actions that I need to take to build intimacy within marriage:

1. Encourage

Your spouse needs to know that you love them and that you’re pleased with them. That you find them attractive and gifted at what they do. Encouragement requires you to KNOW your spouse and be PRESENT to their frustrations, fears, and anxieties. It also means celebrating with them on what goes well. If you’re not used to talking, start practicing! We all need encouragement, especially our spouses. Remind them on a daily basis all of the great things you see coming out of their life. Something we often forget is the weight that our spouses often bear upon …read more

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Don’t Get Caught Off Guard with Their Grieving

“John” came into the counseling office looking very despondent. “I don’t understand what happened this week,” he said. “’Jane’ had been doing so well and I have not seen her angry in more than a month. Then she just exploded. Crying, throwing things, cursing at me. I thought we were good. What happened?”

“John” is a recovering pornography addict who has been in therapy for nearly one year and his wife, “Jane,” is working on her own betrayal recovery. What “John” encountered is not unusual for a couple doing the intense work to get their marriage back on track.

“Jane” was going through another bout of grieving over the betrayal she experienced from “John’s” use of pornography during their marriage. What happened with “Jane” is simply part of the recovery process. Men tend to forget the average recovery time for a woman dealing with betrayal is 12-24 months.

Over the past month, “Jane” had been practicing self-soothing herself when she was feeling angry or sad as she thought about “John’s” actions. She was trying to reduce the amount of negativity she was experiencing when spending time with her husband.

There is nothing wrong with “Jane” trying to stay more positive around “John,” her only mistake was she should have told him what she was attempting to do. This would have helped set “John’s” expectations about her recovery.

But he also made mistakes.

Enjoying the stability of a peaceful home, “John” didn’t take opportunity to ask “Jane” how she was dealing with her recovery. If he had, she most likely would have shared her emotions, instead of holding them in.

His second error was mistaking “Jane’s” calm demeanor to indicate she was no longer emotionally or mentally troubled by his pornography addiction. As I tell my male clients, while your wife may be presenting a calm and peaceful …read more

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4 Ways To Respond To Your Spouse’s Porn Problem

As an author and speaker about the inner thoughts and feelings of men, including the visual nature of men, I get a lot of questions from my audiences, like this very common one: “I just discovered my spouse is using porn and am devastated. What should I do?

My team and I always want to have answers, but since we are social researchers and not counselors, we interviewed Michael Todd Wilson to get his take on this. Michael Todd (MT) is a licensed professional counselor and a certified sex therapist who we highly respect. He gives counsel and advice to men and women all over the country on these topics, and we wanted to tap into his wisdom for a series of articles based on our interviews with him.

What follows is professional and practical advice for the person who has discovered their spouse using porn. For simplicity, we wrote from the viewpoint of a wife discovering her husband’s porn habit, as that is the majority of cases, but the same advice would apply if the roles are reversed.

This advice also assumes the spouses in question have a personal faith in God. We know not all readers will share that personal faith, but we unapologetically believe no one can do this on their own. If you find yourself in this situation, reach out to God and see that you can rely on Him for help in all areas of life – starting with your own difficulties right now.

And that is vital because as you will see, it is essential to ask God to give you the ability to respond well before you tackle this topic with your mate, to have not only good, firm boundaries, but also a healthy dose of the grace and compassion that is so important to a …read more

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What if Masturbation Could Heal Us?

If there’s one topic that freaks Christians out the most, it’s masturbation.

When you tune into the discussion, it can get alarmingly serious.

There are believers who stand on either side of the fence on this topic, but overwhelmingly within the Church, masturbation is considered off-limits.

In a world of passionate forbiddance, I’d like to stand up and ask…

‘What If?’

What if masturbation could heal us?

What if there are people and situations being overlooked in the debate?

What if masturbation is more of a grey area that we ever anticipated?

Masturbation Addiction Is Legit

First of all, let’s acknowledge masturbation can be a serious struggle. It can become a compulsive, damaging addiction. That’s real. For some, masturbation accompanies porn use or voyeurism. It can have real consequences, and for some people, it must remain off-limits.

Further to this, within the Christian belief system, there are clear instructions regarding sexual behaviours. Followers of Jesus are called to avoid sexual activity outside of marriage, including lustful thoughts.

These realities make traversing through ‘What If?’ territory mighty uncomfortable. But we needn’t fear exploring alternative positions. Our God is big, gracious, and sovereign enough to guide us through the grey and uncomfortable.

With this in mind, let’s explore some ways masturbation might be able to heal.

Methadone Masturbation

You’ve probably heard that porn is like a drug. It affects your brain in the same way heroin or cocaine can. Both behavior and substance can become addictive, and users may become dependent, requiring heavier doses to experience the chemical ‘rush’. With both sexual behaviors and drug use, withdrawals are a common struggle when beginning the recovery journey. The suffering associated with withdrawals often leads to relapse.

The solution for heroin or other opioid addicts is Methadone. It is a prescription drug which eases withdrawal symptoms to make the transition to sobriety possible in those …read more

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Free Video Series and Private FB Group – Available Now

We have some pretty exciting news for you.

Here’s the thing, we have a lot of resources for individuals and couples who are struggling with porn use.

Some of these cost money because they fund the development of new resources and initiatives.

But at the end of the day, we want to help as many people as possible…

So when I can announce that we have a new free resource that I think is going to help a lot of men and women I GET EXCITED.

Here is what we have available right NOW and I think you are going to love it.

First, for the men struggling with porn and stuff. We have:

1. A free 3 part video series called “3 Things to Tell Your Wife About Your Pornography Habit.”

I know the idea of sharing your struggle with your wife might seem pretty scary. But it’s what we need to do and these videos will help you with that process.

2. A free private Facebook Group for men only.

In this group, you will be able to access the video series I just told you about plus share with and hear from 1,000’s of other men all on the same journey as you. Plus, we have leaders and staff in this group who will be jumping in and offering encouragement and advice.

Second, for the women married or involved with the men who struggle with porn and these types of things we have:

1. A free 3 part video series called “3 Ways to Help Your Husband Kick His Pornography Habit.”

Yes, it’s his problem. But, it’s also yours because it impacts you and your marriage. You probably already know this but at times feel helpless because you don’t know what to do or how to help …read more

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3 Steps to Keep Yourself Healthy When Married to An Addict

If you are married to an addict, it can be so easy to fall into an unhealthy cycle with your spouse.

Addiction tends to do that. One partner struggles with the addiction and the other struggles to free them.

Sometimes, you don’t even realize that it is happening until you are deep into it. I have been there!

Fortunately, there are better ways to handle your response in the midst of recovery. Below are three steps that have helped me in so many ways. Hopefully they will cast some light for you too.

1. Let Go of Responsibility

When you are made aware of your spouse’s porn problem, the first natural reaction (after being tremendously hurt, of course) usually is the desire to fix it. That is what I tried to do. That is what a lot of other people have tried to do as well. I get it but I don’t recommend it.

First let’s reflect on a couple of truths about pornography addiction: one, your spouse’s addiction is not your fault. In fact, it usually has absolutely zero to do with you. Two, trying to fix your spouse’s problem usually results in more stress and less recovery.

With those two truths in mind, let’s look at what can and will happen when you begin to let go of the responsibility of “fixing” your spouse: once you truly understand that this pornography addiction is utterly not about you or what you lack or what you do or don’t do, there is freedom from responsibility to try and fix it. Nothing that you have done made your spouse go there and nothing you can do will make your spouse recover.

Listen, I know how difficult it is to believe that your spouse watching porn has nothing to do with you, but it’s true. Chances are he or she …read more

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One-Sided Conversations That Lead to Great Sex

In my marriage, I volunteered to do lots of things that I never did. Not in a timely fashion, at least.

HER: “We need to make an appointment with our tax guy.”
ME: “I’ll call him this week.”

HER: “One of our sprinkler heads is broken, and the grass in our front yard is turning brown.”
ME: “No problem. I’ll replace it this weekend.”

HER: “Can you help me upload the photos on my camera to the cloud? I can’t figure it out.”
ME: “Sure. Just leave your camera on my dresser and I’ll take care of it for you.”

If you’ve been married more than a month, you know what’s coming next.
The question.

Oh, it might not come for a week or two, but it’s coming.

“Did you call our tax guy?”
“Did you fix the sprinkler?”
“Can I have my camera back?”

Far too often, instead of owning it like a man, I stuttered and stammered my way into deeper

“Uhhh, let me think … tax guy … did I make that call? Hmmm. I remember I was going to. Oh
wait, that’s right, I was about to call him and set up our appointment when I got called into a
meeting. Crap! I’ll do it this week.”

“This week?! It should have been done months ago. Why didn’t you call him last week like you
said you would?! Aauuugh!”

“I didn’t have time.”

[Sound of my parachute not opening]

Here’s what “I didn’t have time” really means and what every frustrated woman hears in that

“I don’t really care that you lose sleep at night worrying about our taxes. I don’t really care that our front yard is ugly and embarrasses you. I don’t really care that you’re stressed out and fearful we might lose the family photos from our summer vacation. What matters to you doesn’t matter to me. You don’t matter to me. I have lots …read more

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IT’S GIVING TUESDAY ♥️ – Please donate to help end the horrific harms of pornography, prostitution and sex trafficking 

Today is #GivingTuesday! Please donate to help us fight the harms of pornography, prostitution and sex trafficking:



Thanks! ❤ 👍🏼

~~ We really appreciate your kind support! It will allow us to keep our nonprofit up and running, so we can …read more

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BOYCOTT FIFTY SHADES OF GREY! Say NO to domestic violence, & donate to a shelter! #50dollarsnot50shades

Please support the campaign to BOYCOTT Fifty Shades of Grey and to donate to domestic violence shelters instead! ~~~ #50dollarsnot50shades !!

You can out more about this campaign at the Facebook page for “50 Dollars not 50 Shades” below, which we encourage you to LIKE and support!

Here is …read more

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