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3 Steps to Keep Yourself Healthy When Married to An Addict

If you are married to an addict, it can be so easy to fall into an unhealthy cycle with your spouse.

Addiction tends to do that. One partner struggles with the addiction and the other struggles to free them.

Sometimes, you don’t even realize that it is happening until you are deep into it. I have been there!

Fortunately, there are better ways to handle your response in the midst of recovery. Below are three steps that have helped me in so many ways. Hopefully they will cast some light for you too.

1. Let Go of Responsibility

When you are made aware of your spouse’s porn problem, the first natural reaction (after being tremendously hurt, of course) usually is the desire to fix it. That is what I tried to do. That is what a lot of other people have tried to do as well. I get it but I don’t recommend it.

First let’s reflect on a couple of truths about pornography addiction: one, your spouse’s addiction is not your fault. In fact, it usually has absolutely zero to do with you. Two, trying to fix your spouse’s problem usually results in more stress and less recovery.

With those two truths in mind, let’s look at what can and will happen when you begin to let go of the responsibility of “fixing” your spouse: once you truly understand that this pornography addiction is utterly not about you or what you lack or what you do or don’t do, there is freedom from responsibility to try and fix it. Nothing that you have done made your spouse go there and nothing you can do will make your spouse recover.

Listen, I know how difficult it is to believe that your spouse watching porn has nothing to do with you, but it’s true. Chances are he or she …read more

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One-Sided Conversations That Lead to Great Sex

In my marriage, I volunteered to do lots of things that I never did. Not in a timely fashion, at least.

HER: “We need to make an appointment with our tax guy.”
ME: “I’ll call him this week.”

HER: “One of our sprinkler heads is broken, and the grass in our front yard is turning brown.”
ME: “No problem. I’ll replace it this weekend.”

HER: “Can you help me upload the photos on my camera to the cloud? I can’t figure it out.”
ME: “Sure. Just leave your camera on my dresser and I’ll take care of it for you.”

If you’ve been married more than a month, you know what’s coming next.
The question.

Oh, it might not come for a week or two, but it’s coming.

“Did you call our tax guy?”
“Did you fix the sprinkler?”
“Can I have my camera back?”

Far too often, instead of owning it like a man, I stuttered and stammered my way into deeper

“Uhhh, let me think … tax guy … did I make that call? Hmmm. I remember I was going to. Oh
wait, that’s right, I was about to call him and set up our appointment when I got called into a
meeting. Crap! I’ll do it this week.”

“This week?! It should have been done months ago. Why didn’t you call him last week like you
said you would?! Aauuugh!”

“I didn’t have time.”

[Sound of my parachute not opening]

Here’s what “I didn’t have time” really means and what every frustrated woman hears in that

“I don’t really care that you lose sleep at night worrying about our taxes. I don’t really care that our front yard is ugly and embarrasses you. I don’t really care that you’re stressed out and fearful we might lose the family photos from our summer vacation. What matters to you doesn’t matter to me. You don’t matter to me. I have lots …read more

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IT’S GIVING TUESDAY ♥️ – Please donate to help end the horrific harms of pornography, prostitution and sex trafficking 

Today is #GivingTuesday! Please donate to help us fight the harms of pornography, prostitution and sex trafficking:

1) http://www.antipornography.org/donate.html

2) https://www.paypal.me/AntiPornOrg

Thanks! ❤ 👍🏼

~~ We really appreciate your kind support! It will allow us to keep our nonprofit up and running, so we can …read more

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BOYCOTT FIFTY SHADES OF GREY! Say NO to domestic violence, & donate to a shelter! #50dollarsnot50shades

Please support the campaign to BOYCOTT Fifty Shades of Grey and to donate to domestic violence shelters instead! ~~~ #50dollarsnot50shades !!

You can out more about this campaign at the Facebook page for “50 Dollars not 50 Shades” below, which we encourage you to LIKE and support!


Here is …read more

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VIDEO: Why BDSM is like George Orwell’s 1984. How Slavery, Torture, Abuse & Sadomasochism Became Pleasure

Here is a powerful VIDEO from our SayNOtoSadomasochism YouTube channel! It addresses the parallels between BDSM and George Orwell’s 1984.

It’s by our new anti-BDSM ally and collaboration partner RepublicofSandals, who does a great job explaining how sadomasochism exemplifies the contradictions, double-think and insanity found in “1984.”

To sum it …read more

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“Porn Is Not Empowering” — by Kelsey Ruane, Anti-Porn Feminist — (via XOJane – “Unpopular Opinion”)

Here’s a powerful new article that explains how there’s nothing “sex positive” or “empowering” about pornography! ~~

    I believe in a sexual liberation that goes beyond simply mimicking what we see in the media and pornography. Instead of actually breaking the mold, the current so-called “revolution” has just repackaged male pleasure …read more

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